Thursday, July 15, 2010

God's Law

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia

(It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian :)

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Conservative Confusion

As a liberal leaning American citizen, I'm confused by all of the contradictions in the conservative movement's platform.  They claim to be pro-American, but from my viewpoint they seem to be more anti-American. Please inform me of anything that is not correct, or anything I left out.  Flames will be filed in the circular file.

The conservative movement...

claims to be the one that holds the higher moral ground, yet they...
  • are more likely to support bombing countries, which always leads to civilian deaths, in order to keep themselves safe
  • are more likely to stay in a war that costs the lives of countless brave American soldiers in order to keep themselves safe
  • are more likely to support the erosion of the rights of American citizens in order to keep themselves safe, even though they're far less likely to live in a place that would be a target of terrorism (New York and DC, for example)
  • are less likely to want to help the poor with health care
  • are less likely to want to help feed the hungry
  • are more likely to be in favor of denying rights to their gay and lesbian fellow citizens
claims to be the one that supports small business owners and working Americans, yet...
  • are more likely to support tax breaks for mega corporations who ship American jobs overseas
  • are more likely to support tax breaks to corporations in general, to the point where there are so many loopholes that they pay almost no taxes at all
  • are more likely to deny working Americans any recourse against unfair treatment by corporations through unions
claims to be the one that most reflects the beliefs of the founding fathers of America, yet...
  • the first two American presidents (George Washington and John Adams) would both today be considered liberals, establishing the federal tax system, the national bank, and a standing army for the defense
claim to be against socialism, yet...
  • drive on public roads, including interstate highways
  • go to, and send their children to, public schools
  • use the public post office
  • counts on the FDA to insure that they're not being robbed or poisoned when making purchases
claim to be for a balanced budget, yet...
  • don't object to spending hundreds of billions (more than $830,000,000,000 as of 7/2010) on the Iraq war, which has made the world an even more dangerous place for Americans than it was prior to 9/11
  • are more likely to support giving extra tax breaks to the very richest Americans, leaving the bulk of the tax burden on the working class, and lessening the chance of ever balancing the budget
claim to be for religious freedom, yet...
  • are more likely to be distrustful of their fellow Americans who are Muslim, Buddhist, Jew, or atheist
  • support teachers leading classrooms full of children of diverse religious backgrounds in Christian prayer